I woke up today thinking about how unfair life is. I don't want to be ungrateful. I truly try to appreciate the blessings that are in my life. Not just because it could be worse, but because my life is pretty darn good. Sometimes the thoughts creep into my mind, against my will, about some of the things that I've wanted for my life, for M's life etc. I think about all of the hard work, skill, and quality character that is M and wonder how he doesn't always get the best life has to offer. I really struggle with that. He doesn't really struggle with that- he generally is content with life and even pretty happy.
I don't even expect the same good things for myself- I don't usually feel like I deserve them. It's not even just about M. In his profession, you see many people who are up to no good (to put it mildly) and they just throw money at them, throw status at them, and continuously esteem them- when they are arrogant, entitled, rude, and selfish. They won't do anything for anyone unless it makes them money or provides them with exposure or celebrity.
I really could go on and on about all of the great qualities about M, and I know I'm biased, but most people who come in contact with him feel the exact same way. He deserves good- GREAT- things. Not always having to make lemonade out of lemons... Which he is really good at doing. He always finds the positive, optimistic side of things.
The thing I fear is: I know life is not fair. It may never be fair. When one door closes- does another better one always open? I don't know... Sometimes really great people get the short end of the stick. I have met other people in my life I really admire and they seem to have more obstacles and barriers than people who are evil, hateful, and selfish. I want to see great people have great things. I really do recognize that he and I have a lot, not just material things but great family, great friends, and a lot of love and support. I see that, especially now as we transition in our lives and so many people want to see us succeed. One thing that I hope others can understand is that the job M had was not his only dream, i want them to know there is so much more to him and see the qualities of intelligence, kindness, and ability to work well with others. So many people hold on to the hope of what they think is M's dreams without realizing that he has other dreams as well- and is just as capable of achieving those.
I'm working on it, folks. I know it's not the right mentality. Comparison, focus on negativity, have nots, etc. is a quick way to be unhappy and distant from God. You also miss out on so many great things that are happening in your life!
So a quick review of today: M's best friend and his wife came over today. We hung out for a few hours, had a great convo (and I realized too late that I didn't recharge my batteries of my camera- so no pics! :( ) Then we went to M's family friend's house and had a great dinner and another fun conversation about President Obama, smoking in public places, bats, big mosquitos, and a host of other things... 
We had steak, cheesy potatoes, seasoned tomatoes and cucumbers, cornbread, collard greens, and key lime pie and boston creme pie for dessert. Life really is good... I LOVE homecooking. If we come to your town- keep that in mind :)
Minya, God saved M from that world, even if it WAS his dream. You never do know how it would have turned out, and you said it yourself: he has SO much more to offer. The door that has opened is called the whole rest of your life. It's a challenge to move forward instead of getting sucked into the what if. It's like they say in Goonies (ha!!! - can't let this get TOO heavy!!), this is YOUR TIME. Greg and I were just talking about how our time is pretty much over. Not in a morbid sense, but in the sense that we are pretty settled and life is more about our kids, what they will do and who they will be. Attack this time and make it what you want it to be. And take the Director job... you absolutely can't fail. Failing is in the eye of the over-achiever. You are a survivor. I better sign off before I start singing Eye of the Tiger! :)
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean Minya. I feel the same way about marvin. It's hard for me to sit by watching him watch friends or former teammates who aren't as talented or definitely not as deserving get signed to team or the opposite, him watching someone like martin get released when he knows martin has not only the talent but also the head on his shoulders to deserve a spot on a team. he's so positive about it. i don't know how they do it. how martin is out of a job and that darn nate washington (sorry to call him out publicly) not only has a job but has a multimillion dollar contract is beyond me. ok, im starting to become less understanding and veering more towards ranting. stay positive. something amazing will come from this.
ReplyDeleteHey cousin. This is where faith comes into play. These tough moments that you have is God's way of toughening you up so that you don't become vulnerable once your blessing comes. Those teammates that you talk about who are up to no good (and that IS put very mildly)can only dream of the advantages and prosperity you two will have when it is your time. You have to go through the fire to come out pure gold. And you two are headed in the right direction. Be strong, cousin!
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