Day 15: The End of The Beginning

Day 15 [9.17.09]:

I don't really know where to begin, so I guess I'll begin at the end- which is the beginning... This two week journey has been wonderful! I have met new people and met up with old friends and family. Everything ran so smoothly- no accidents, no illness, and we were able to see so many people that we don't normally get to see.

Most of all, it served as an opportunity for M and I to begin to transition towards our new life. As I am now nearing the end of the beginning of this new chapter I can't help but reflect on some of the lessons that I want to take with me beyond this trip. While some may not be these new brilliant ideas, they are reminders for me and hopefully you can serve as reminders for you as well. (These are in no particular order of priority)

1. Get a Clear Plan: This includes building a new and improved resume, contacting old and creating new networks, and develop a 1, 5, and 10 year plan- while being mentally prepared to revise and adapt as needed.

2. Believe in Myself: I have to believe that I already have developed a wealth of skills through the diverse projects and experiences that I have had over the last 3.5 years since grad school. I also have to believe that whatever may be missing will come in time. A baby isn't born talking, walking, and driving a car. The learning stage is encountered each time we enter new territory. I am moving out of the infancy stage in my career, but have a long way to go until I reach maturity. And that's ok. And I'm going to face more infancy stages throughout my life. And that's ok.

3. Build Solid Relationships: They are important. We can't survive in this world without surrounding ourselves with support and love. I don't think that I have intentionally avoided relationships, but I wasn't willing to give enough of myself to really build trusting, supportive relationships. I need to learn to trust. I need to learn to take risks. I need to learn that being vulnerable is ok sometimes- I will get burned from time to time, but sometimes I will be able to develop lasting relationships that forever change me for the better.

4. Accept That Life is Unfair: Even amidst all the injustice that life will shove in my direction, don't fail to recognize the good things. Life can only be lived one day at a time. As hard as I try to live 2 to 3 weeks in advance (and sometimes 1 to 2 years in advance), I can't. I can only begin each day when the sun comes up and take the challenges and joys of each moment of that day. Let it go. Stop stressing over things that are out of my control. While planning is good, make a plan and then move forward. Stop second guessing my plans. When things don't go as planned, re-up and make a new plan. Stop trying to make a failed plan a success. Be innovative, flexible, creative, and adaptable. Focus on what is RIGHT in my life, and spend less time trying to fix what is wrong.

5. Reminisce on the Good 'Ol Days Often: I have experienced many, many wonderful blessings in my life. Don't forget these. Don't forget the people that shared in those experiences with you.

6. Take Risks: Take one risk a month. Not something life threatening :) of course, just take a risk that challenges my fears and exposes them to the light- what is reality.

7. Invest in Family: Invest time, energy, and self into building stronger and closer relationships with family. I have seen on this trip how they really rally around you when times get tough. It's not to say that I haven't seen this in my family before, but I was really reminded about how great family can really be. I need to do better about maintaining more steady, consistent relationships with family- even in good times! I want to make sure that I am there for my family as they have been there for me during this transition time.

8. Laugh OFTEN: Laugh until my stomach hurts. Laugh until tears fall. Make others laugh. Laugh loudly, without restraint, and as often as I can. Laughter really does heal the soul.

9. Roll with the Punches: Always remember that stability is a mindset, not an environmental condition.

10. Live Life: Don't let it live me. Be the driver, not the passenger.

I have been SO VERY GRATEFUL to all of messages and comments that I have received from everyone who has been following this journey. It is nice to know that I'm not alone on this journey- many people are in transition, in uncertainty and we have had the opportunity to encourage one another. Thank you for reading my blog! Although this blog is finished, it is my hope that it serves to generate even more conversations with you. I want to share with you, and I look forward to hearing from you what is going on in your lives as well. Let's not stop this dialogue today- let's use this as a launching board for discussions about the journey of self development and exploration. I love you all in different ways and for so many different reasons!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 14: Don't be Tardy for the Party

Day 14 [9.16.09]:

The name of the game is being proactive. I don't want to be in crisis before i get things together! When I get back to Pgh my first step is to clean up my resume. I actually have recently done my resume, but after our trip to Miami I got some new resources to really spruce it up. I am believing that there is a blessing on the way and I don't want to be tardy for the party! (shout outs to real housewives... hahaha) My next step is to develop a short term and long term timeline with goals. I will begin to tap into my networks and resources to see what opps are available. I think this is going to be the best way for me to get set up with a career that will really be fulfilling for me. Once M begins to clarify his next steps we can work out what our next move is going to be. I'm still feeling nervous but anticipatory about the future.

Today I caught up with a close friend for breakfast. Always a pleasure- and was even more a pleasure over cracker barrel! I picked M up and we went to go see Whiteout. My review: a B-. Entertaining, but only for $5 or less. We went over my cuz's house! Always fun! So glad to see some family that I don't get to see enough and my other cuz and her beautiful babes also swung by. The pic shows our real-ness :) ! If you are going to be in the Toledo area- go check them out on Sat. for the 360 concert! You will not be sad that you did- they are truly a blessing with incredible gifts.

We then went to dinner with the parents and niece to a very delicious restaurant- The Oliver House. It was good- I gob-gobbled by petite filet and the lyonnaise potatos were fantastic! Aside from the gale force winds raging from the ac vents, it was a wonderful meal!

Day 13: Back to the Basics

Day 13 [9.15.09]

There's no place like home... There's no place like home. Toledo is my home!!!! It's so nice to ride through the streets where I created so many memories. Growing up, I never imagined that my life would look the way that it has. I'm sure that I will come back in 10 years and feel the same way all over again. From the corner stores, to my old neighborhood, to my school- GO EAGLES!- to just little things. I love reliving those memories! I had so many good times in good ol' Toledo. People can say whatever they want, but Toledo shaped me. It's such a small bigger small city! It's nice to revisit where it all started.

It really puts things into perspective. I'm still that Toledo girl walking to the bus stop. Crying in my bedroom over some boy. Worried that my friends are mad at me. Excited to get my first car- Ford Probe baby! First kisses, first heartbreak, first job. Ballet, coming closer to friends, coming closer to Christ... When life was so simple... Life really hasn't complicated itself- I complicated it! I complicated it with my dreams, high expectations, lack of satisfaction with my current situation, the never enough attitude, etc. I so want to strip the layers of complexity that I have carefully layered on the simple package that was once me. Get back to Toledo me. Where the little things are all I need for happiness.

While at Miami, one person we met with had a note on his computer. It said, "The secret to happiness is low expectations." At first I thought goals are necessary to be successful. In order to have success you have to set your goals high. I realized that this quote was not about setting low goals- it was about contentment. learning how to be content and enjoy the moment. Something that I desperately need to find a way to do. I'm a planner. I plan everything and plan to plan everything! While this helps me to be prepared, ultimately, instead of being busy living, I'm busy planning to live. Once life is happening, I'm already moving on to my new plans. The answer is SLOW DOWN. Slow my thoughts, slow my actions, turn towards what's around me, not always what is in front of me...

Today we began the day with a little horseback ride with Mom. It was pretty cool except for the human sized mosquitos that tore me up from head to toe. My horsey was named Skipper. Skipper was honestly the best horse I have ever rode. He responded immediately to my directions and didn't take off tearing through the forest with me clinging on to his mane. M rode Anthony- this monster size Cydesdale lookin thang. He kept tryin to run up on Skipper's booty.

After the mosquitos sucked all the blood out of my body, we returned to the barn. M and Moms trotted and I waited for my heart to pump more blood back to my body so I could function.

I don't do trotting. in fact, this is what I think of trotting:

After the horse ride, we swung back to my Dad's house, ate a little lunch- got the horsey off our skin and jetted over to my niece's tennis "match". That was really just them playing against each other.

Had a good time there and then returned back to the house to relax before going to dinner with some friends. Gotta love a T-Town fav: J. Alexander's.

Getting ready to hit the hay! Tomorrow will be filled with breakfasts, visits to fam and friends, and then dinner with more fam before concluding our journey on Thursday.

Day 12: Blast from the Past

Day 12 [9.14.09]:

Today was a whirlwind! I didn't have time to think- which was a welcomed relief :) We woke up around 7:30a, got ready to go and got on the road. We got to Miami about 10:30a, finished getting dressed in the car and headed in to begin our hectic day.

It started with a cancelled/rescheduled meeting. Instead, we rode the Green Bus (haven't done that in awhile) back to Millett to meet with the new football head coach. Chatted it up with him for awhile. For me it was a pretty super duper experience! I had never had access to this area of Miami. I saw the rooms where the positions meet, saw some of M's pics on the walls (would have gotten pics but I had to play it cool), saw the hallway where many members of the cradle of coaches had walked. It was pretty cool.

Then we headed to a lunch at Kona with some peeps with the athletic dep't- waited for an hour for a meal and had to take it to go so we wouldn't miss our next meeting. They were trippin! It took them about 10 min. just to seat us. 20 min. to take our order, 10-15 min. to get drinks, and then 30-40 min. waiting on the food. I mean, come on! I guess the outside seating was pretty busy, but the place isn't but a finger snap big- including the outside seating. We did get the chance to chat with some pretty nice people. I realized how proud I was to be a Miami alum. It is such a connected community.

We met with a few more people and then I finally had a chance to go revisit some personal landmarks for myself, including my senior year residence- candlewood!!

After touring a somewhat changed, but somewhat the same campus and housing I returned to retrieve M from his last meeting with the Athletic Director. We began our journey to Toledo, but first stopped at the Pulley belltower for some pic opps. M took the pic of the belltower- his photog skills are almost as good as mine ;)

We arrived in Toledo around 8:30 and stopped by Dad's choir rehearsal. Shout outs to CSCC for their prayers and supportive words for this transition that we are going through. They prayed for M and offered encouragment for this next phase of his life. It was a nice way to finish up the day. We then went back to my Dad's digs. A headache put me down early for the night.

Day 11: Firsts

Day 11 [9.13.09]

First are inevitable in this life. I'm going through a new first in my life. A new life, a new start and I'm trying to gain the courage to embrace it, not try to limit it. It's so easy to be complacent within the small worlds that we create and define our life through. I feel like my bubble has burst and I can go everywhere, but haven't quite figure out where I belong yet. I feel like the liquid in the bubble is spreading everywhere trying to find another home. So many directions that I can go in- it really is overwhelming!

Today we did a variety of activites. I caught up with a friend from college who I lived with for two years. It was so nice to catch up somewhat and the time wasn't enough. I can't believe that it has been 5 years! It really does seem like college was just yesterday! In fact, i was having such a good time that I forgot to take pics :(

Then I went and got a much needed pedicure! Finally...

After that M, his sister, her friend, and I drove around Indianapolis to some of the beautiful areas. We went into some open houses in searching for a home for his sister. It really got me excited for the time when M and I are settled enough to be looking for a home of our own. We stopped by a Thai restaurant that was DELICIOUS for dinner. M and I ordered "Money Bags"- which was essentially fried sacks of chicken, corn, and spices with a sweet and sour sauce. Very very good! Had the classic chicken basil fried rice. It might have been the best I ever had.

We headed home after that and prepared for our drive to MIAMI U the next day!!!! Can't wait to be back in 'Hawk land!!!!

Day 10: It is what it is...

day 10 [9.12.09]:

Life is what it is... and what it is- is what you make of it. You can choose your reaction, how you decide to intepret life events (whether challenges or positive events). While we don't control many events, we can control how we think about them, feel about them, and move forward in life. Bad things that can happen to us and while they may feel that way in the moment, still provide us with options. One aspect that cannot be taken away is your choice to utilize challenges, opportunities, and blessings in a way that mobilizes and propels us to the next scenario. This is not easy! I often choose to worry, stress, and pull my hair out over things that I may not have any control over. However, reminding myself that I still have choices in the situation- how i react, how i interpret and use that situation, etc.- can often provide me with some peace. It doesn't solve the problem- but does provide me with a peace of mind that is priceless. Life is what it is. We don't control it, but we can use our experiences for good or for bad and have power over ourselves, especially our minds. We can choose to use healthy coping strategies (i.e. relaxation, meditation, prayer, confiding in others, etc.) or we can choose to react in a manner that further propels us towards negative outcomes.

Today we drove from Chicago (bye bye Chi!) to Indy.

It was a quick drive, we hung out with M's friend and his new baby (so cute!!) and then swung over to our temp residence- his sister's house.

We ate delicious Indy pizza and chatted for awhile. Pretty low key day and I'm not complaining! I will be catching up with a college friend/roomie tomorrow for brunch, getting a pedi (hopefully- if i can find a salon open on sundays), and spending some time with the hubs and his sister. Heading out on Monday back to the alma mater!

Day 9: Rememberance

day 9 [9.11.09]:

9/11- 8 years since the horrible events that made the numbers 9/11 hold significance in Americans everywhere. Eight years has flown by, I can't believe everything that has happened since- yet I can remember the day like it was yesterday.

As a result, today is a good day to ground myself in what is really important. As I talked about yesterday, stability is important. However, before stability, relationships are important. I have to admit- as much as I think and ponder and enjoy analyzing relational dynamics- sometimes I'm not the best at maintaining my own relationships. I am not a phone person (wow things have changed since I was 16- right Dad?). I don't like talking on the phone, and I'm not good about calling people back. The problem is, I have moved around so much that I'm not in close physical proximity to many of my close friends and family. Phone is all I have (and FACEBOOK! my beloved) to keep me connected.

There are many reasons why I am not always successful at putting as much effort into my relationships as necessary, but the outcome is still the same- fading friendships that were once so important to me. Generally, my reasons are generally thought out and explored. Friendships don't usually fade without my knowledge. I know that some people come into your life for a season, but I'm pretty good at letting that season end. This is good for some relationships (some people need the cord snipped), bad for others. I have some relationships in my life that have been incredibly influential and wonderful components of my life. It's that feeling that you get around that person where you almost feel like, life is complete. You know that you can go to that person and they will say something, have some insight that will make it alright- put things back into perspective. Those are the ones I'm learning how to hang on to!

As I have gotten older I have exposed less and less of myself to others. As a result, I hold my own thoughts inside and worry and fret alone. In developing my relationship with M, I have gone back to that place when i was 12-18 and I reveal practically everything. What I really think about things, my true thoughts, mistakes, fears, etc. He really is my absolute best friend. Spouses say that all of the time, but for me- someone who doesn't trust easily- it's pretty significant.

At the same time, I think that it's dangerous for spouses to become consumed in their relationship to the point where intimate relationships with others is non existent or limited. The marital relationship should be the most intimate relationship you have. While it is most important to me, I really value my friends that also are willing to share a small piece of themselves with me. Develop or maintain a one-on-one friendship. While being married is who I am and my number 1 priority, I still have independent thoughts and feelings and like to share them with others and be entrusted with their independent thoughts and feelings.

Moral of the story: hold on to your friendships, don't take them for granted, make an effort even when you don't want to, and be willing to share pieces of yourself with others.

Today M went golfing around noon. I was smart and sat this one out. I went to go see SORORITY ROW- hahahahaha. It was entertaining :) and the theater was decent on the inside. I also got a kiddie popcorn, drink, and pixie stick for $5.50. It was great! Then we went to Navy Pier, walked around and went to this designer jean warehouse sale. It was somewhat of a bust, but fun to check out anyhow.

After that we went over to one of M's college teammates restaurant- Flatwater. http://www.flatwater.us/index.html It was pretty swanky inside. I was impressed. Right on the river, food was pretty, and I had a delicious raspberry lemonade mojito- which didn't help my headache, but was tasty nonetheless.

We met up with some friends at a seafood spot- Devon's for a late dinner. It was good! I had blackened chicken penne pasta which I barely made a dent in after eating up all of the calamari. They entertained us with amusing stories :) and it was nice catching up.

I still had that dull pain still in my head, slowly reminding me I needed to get better sleep, so that was the only downside.

Ready to head out tomorrow to Indianapolis!